Got Fear of Aging?

After spending the last several decades in a Madison Avenue culture of youth and beauty, many baby boomer women are feeling uncertain of our place in a society that seems not to honor or appreciate the aging. Our roles are changing and many of us are starting to panic as we see the sands of time beginning to scrub away the luminescence of our youth. As we approach midlife, questions begin to surface.

Will I become invisible as I age? Will I be respected? Loved? Why do my looks matter so much? What am I so afraid of? Who am I now that I'm no longer of reproductive age? Is this the beginning of the end? Is everyone this scared of dying? Is it too late to make a difference? How do I do that?

The boomer generation has come to a crossroads, and the direction that each of us chooses to take will determine how we experience the rest of our life. We can buy into our fears and invest great quantities of time, energy and money trying to resurrect the past, or we can accept the ongoing circle of life and look for new opportunities. Rather than allowing our fears of aging to determine our experience of aging, we can each take hold of the wheel and steer ourselves toward a new reality, one that supports us in being vibrant, active and engaged members of society.

"The only thing we have to fear is fear itself - nameless, unreasoning, unjustified terror which paralyzes needed efforts to convert retreat into advance." These wise words from Franklin D. Roosevelt point us toward a profound truth - fear is the enemy (and, I would add - especially when it comes to aging). While you are most likely familiar with the first part of that quote, it's the latter that best describes what happens to us when we allow our fears and expectations to go unchallenged. How can we move gracefully into the rest of our life when our unbounded fears of aging paralyze our efforts and keep us retreating while trying to hold on to who we were?

For most of us, it's these unconscious and unexamined fears that keep us from experiencing the life we truly want. We allow anxiety to fill the space between what was and what we believe is coming. Many of us are looking at the coming years through a lens that is clouded by fear. As we disengage from the roles we played in our younger years and begin to explore other options, we're likely to experience a certain degree of discomfort. In addition to the uncertainty of feeling out a new role, our deep-seated fears about aging will surface.

What's a woman to do? Instead of letting them haunt you, explore your framework of expectations and fears - knowing they will boomerang right back as your reality if you allow them to fester. Understanding the genesis of our fears and the process that holds them in place can help us put them to rest.

Have you noticed that most of the things in life that frighten us are maintained by the absence of scrutiny? Once we move them out of the periphery and into full view, it is possible to tear down the self-limiting beliefs and fears that control us and replace them with the perspectives and beliefs we choose. In other words, before we can consciously create a fresh start, we need to explore what we've been expecting (and unknowingly asking for).

In order to gray gracefully and arrive at a place of joy and acceptance, I needed to confront the negative fears, expectations and beliefs I held about aging - and consciously order up something different. We can all benefit from taking some time to write down our fears, limiting beliefs and expectations about getting older.

Ask yourself:

What are my worst fears about getting and looking older? Which stereotypes have I bought into? What do I believe might happen as I age? Why wouldn't I still be valued? Loved? Desirable? What's the worst thing that might happen to me?

Take the time necessary to allow your thoughts to surface and write them down. Do not edit or judge the things that come up. Most of our fears and expectations are held in place by our past programming. The only way to change a stereotype is to challenge it! Don't believe everything you think. Facing our fears and concerns about aging head-on is often the best way to lay those issues to rest and make room for a point of view that celebrates the amazing woman we've become.

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By Maggie Crane

Maggie Rose Crane is a leading-edge baby boomer on a quest to age with grace, gratitude and gusto. In her refreshingly candid book, AMAZING GRAYS A Womans Guide to Making the Next 50 the Best 50 (Regardless of your hair color!), she shares experiences, insights and useful information to guide maturing women through the ups and downs of staying vibrant, active and inspired in a culture obsessed with youth and manufactured beauty. At the core of her message, shared through writing, speeches and workshops, Maggie exposes the fears and anxieties that haunt many midlife women and reveals how to mindfully navigate the turbulence with wisdom, perspective and practice. We invite you to join her in a growing movement of Amazing Grays, women who have decided to embrace their age - knowing the best is yet to come! Learn more at http://www.maggiecrane.com